Relentless...

*Blink*

*blink* *blink* *blink* *blink* *blink*...

My cursor blinks at me relentlessly as I attempt to stifle every scream and every cry that is attempting to tear its way out of Me and onto this page right now... :'(

I don't know who I am...

It has been so very long since I have not felt intense anxiety at the thought (or the reality) of someone addressing Me by name or having to introduce Myself to someone, giving them my name...

I do not have a name...

I am not any one single person in here...

I am switching faster and more stealthily than even I know how to recognise, monitor or combat and it has resulted in me doing constant internal and external cleanup... I am burning out... fast... I have been having flashbacks... My sight and my language skills are being effected... regularly now

I... can't... think... straight

Even now, the only reason I cannot sleep is the incredible noise and chaos inside... Triggers are coming out of the most unexpected 'nowhere' places; places I thought were long dead and buried...

I need a safe place to hide and regroup for a while... I need somewhere where all I can hear are my own thoughts... I need a place inside, where I can send my thoughts to be sorted and filtered and tested and either labelled as my own or thrown out as external garbage...

My sense of my own reality is being denied and warped and confused by both internal and external forces...

I need to make it stop... I need to solidify My Truth, inside of Me... before I allow the world to assess it and make their judgements...

I need to end this confusion and to remember and reclaim everything that makes me Me