A topsy turvy day...

Today has been a topsy turvy day...

It began with waking up, incredibly shaken, from nightmares about an ex-partner/abuser, P****... And has begun to come to an end with new craft supplies and some yummy bargains from the grocery store... Also, I am looking forward to cleaning up and de-cluttering my house (from Christmas and post-Christmas) before some friends from a church I have been going to, come over in the morning...

So... like I said... topsy turvy...

I am incredibly excited about finally finishing a project I have had in my mind for quite some time now (photo below)... I would have much preferred to have the sheet music from Brahm's Lullaby... and perhaps one day I will achieve that... But for now, this pre-printed, sepia toned sheet music paper from the scrap-booking section of my local Spotlight, (for a whole $1.55 a sheet - woohoo! for the great price), will have to do... :)

I feel good, having finally been able to write a predominantly positive entry... And I am planning on writing more regularly now, as opposed to pretty much only when I am in crisis...

I have so many ideas for art projects and paintings lately, that have me very excited too, so stay tuned for photographs as I finish each piece...

Oh and I have a publicly open facebook page too! It is called 'The Amethyst Butterfly' and can be found at https://www.facebook.com/theamethystbutterfly :)

Saying 'Goodbye' again... long after it was said the first time

Switching SUCKS!

Right now, I feel so incredibly guilty about suddenly experiencing a flood of emotions which include loving and deeply missing someone who brought so much pain and heartache and even abuse to my life... 

I may understand how and why these feelings exist... and I may wisely choose NOT to act on them but instead to allow them to just fade away as I eventually switch out again... but it doesn't eradicate the guilt... or the shame

I wish that I could move on from people and situations as the emotionally intelligent, accomplished, hard-working, WHOLE person I truly am... and not only as the parts of who I am who were not created or stuck in that time and place

So yes... a part of Me DOES still love you; the BEAUTIFUL parts of you... NOT the pain and the abuse... And while I still miss you and often feel the deep void your absence has left in my life, I am incredibly grateful that you are unaware of these things and that that keeps me safe from ever finding myself in your arms again...

I wish you hope and healing in YOUR life; a life that I do not want, ever again, to include ANY part of Me...

Goodbye