Nothing is the same anymore...

I am not the same anymore...

Actually some things... no... LOTS of things... are the same... It's just that people are burying it and hiding it deeper...

I can't trust them...

I have been different for so long now... I've fought SO HARD to carve out a new and different pathway for myself... But I can feel myself being pulled back to where I was...

I can feel myself becoming 'the same' once more...

I don't like it... I'm terrified of it... and heartbroken over it and the people in my life I should be able to trust... but can't...

And I feel... nothing :'(

I don't want to go... But I have no choice... I don't know any more ways I can use to stop it...

I've loved you all... but I can't feel you anymore... I'm trying... so hard... And I'm trying so hard to trust you all... even in the face of all of your lies and deceptions... TO my face...

I just really DON'T understand... I gave you everything... I gave you my heart... stripped bare in front of you... I gave you my honesty... even when it was excruciatingly painful for me and it burned my skin...

You gave me your lies... The SAME lies you give the rest of the world...

And I feel so miserably cold and shut out in the dark... and alone...

:'(