I survived...

Well it would seem I have survived the latest tidal wave...

I wish I felt less sarcastic and numb about it than I do... but I don't... and there is no point bemoaning what should have been...

To simply deal with what 'is' serves a much better purpose... Although what that purpose is, I have no idea...

I feel like I sound like a crazy person... Perhaps I am... crazy...

But again, labels are unimportant... Best to simply deal with what is and keep moving forward...

You know, I really don't feel as though I have a purpose at all...

Yes, I have chosen to stay so that the children I gave birth to suffer less than they would if I was no longer here... And to help keep them blind and stupid to the reality that there really IS no meaning in life...

Life is simply an existence... A random collection of cells that do their thing, slowly decaying, until they die and exist no longer... It's a cycle that repeats itself with humans and animals and plants, without descrimination... My daughters don't need to know that...

I think that there is much truth to the old adage that 'ignorance is bliss'... It is bliss...

Back on topic though... I honestly feel there is no purpose in my life for ME... And believing what I apparently do, it is impossible for me to ever HAVE a purpose... I am simply cells doing what cells do... Living... Decaying... Dying... No big picture... No grand design... No God who created all of this for his beloved human beings... Just life and then eventually... the Nothing

You know what? Even this is pointless... I think perhaps it's time I stop...