I love him...

Oh my god! That's it!

I love him...

I barely know him... and I certainly cannot truly justify what I am saying... nor the ludicrously short period of time I have known him, in which this has developed inside of Me... but I really can't keep running from this and stay un-dissociated...

I... love... him

I love what I do know of him... and I love what I can sense of him...

At this point... at this stage... so far... I do... love him!

I am afraid of what he would think and of how he might possibly recoil, or completely withdraw if he read these words and misinterpreted them (to mean that I think I know all of who he is already and am able to Love him completely - which I don't and I can't possibly at this stage or likely any time soon)... but a part of feeling my feelings, and freeing myself from this horrible dissociative fog, I suppose, is having the courage to be able to own them... here... where I cannot run from their reality...

And so, as terrifying as these feelings are for Me... they are... none the less, true...

I love him

And that is why I dissociated so badly last night... I needed to tell him... I needed him to know that that is why I was ready to do what we did... that it is how and why I gave Myself to him...

Bloody hell! It is all so damned simple... and yet so fragile and complicated... :(

What I will do now... I have no idea... but at least I know... and that is something I can work with...