Dissociated

Right now I must be pretty much dissociated out of my mind!

I just can't seem to keep anything straight in my head...

Ben just bought me another Sandman comic; one I desperately wanted... and I can't seem to understand that it really IS here and that it really IS mine AND that I'm allowed to touch it........

Added to that... Ben was here in the room with the girls and I at the same time as we are watching a vodcast that him and some friends created and for some reason I just couldn't seem to assimilate or process the fact he was here AND on the television screen...

Then... We watched 'Thor' and I couldn't seem to keep in my mind the fact it was just a story...

I've felt myself coming and going all day long... even though I can't possibly define who has been here and who hasn't... And logic isn't matching my feelings, only it's the opposite to what I'd expected... or maybe it is matching... I don't even know anymore...

I'm just really not okay...

And I can't read him at all... only just when I think I can't, he becomes suddenly transparent...

I'm in a whole lot of pain, which isn't helping... but it's not that...

*sigh*

I think this is just going to take time... the question is: Why do I feel like I'm running out of it... and so fast?