Removing Sex; My Superpower...

Who am I without sex?

I hate that I am always seen as such a powerful sexual being... I hate that I ooze it wherever I go, even when I don't want to... I hate that sex is the centre of the universe for almost everyone in the universe...

I want to be truly seen...

I am an artist... A musician... A poet... A writer...

I am an impossibly strong and beautiful person... inside...

I am a mother...

I am a true survivor... I am beautifully complicated... I am interesting... I am wonderful...

None of these things have ever been enough to be seen and valued over the overwhelming sexual power I have over people... Even people who are not interested in Me as a potential partner are effected by it and want 'It'... They don't want Me... They just crave 'It'...

I don't know how to turn it off...

I feel so deeply ashamed of involuntarily being this way...

So ashamed that I honed this skill, until I was near perfect at it... And in doing so, I protected myself from ever being called on it, because I kept anyone in my presence so dazzled and blinded by its brightness, that they couldn't see past it...

It has left me incurably lonely... but safe

The bottom line is that, once again, I have no idea of what 'normal' is supposed to be in this area...

I don't know how to belong to myself... I don't know who I even really Am...

With regard to sex, it has only been my noble choices that have kept Me more Super-heroine, than Super-villainess...

And so as a Super-heroine, stripped of her super-power... what makes Me special... What do I have left that will be the one way in which I can rise above the rest of the world, and even more importantly, above Myself... and fly?

What is there left for a flightless, powerless super-hero?

The power of sex wasn't just something that masked My pain from others... it masked it from Me too... Without it... and without something with which to replace it... I am drowning... I am Nothing

I am in incredible pain :'(

I don't know who I am... I don't know what to do... I feel so lost...

And so completely... desperately...

Alone