Blindsided... by something I saw coming... but didnt

He ended Us tonight... I think

I barely understand anything... I barely remember anything... I remember and understand every excruciating detail...

I dont know what happened... I do know what happened...

I am so very not okay... I am okay...

I have a badly carved up arm that I do not understand why, or remember how, it happened... I know both how and why it happened... and why it will happen again and again and again and again... if I am not careful...

I am lost... I am not lost at all...

I am in excruciating pain... I am numb

The screaming inside never stops... That's right... The screaming inside... never stops...