Enter: Angel...

And so it is that I have just now become aware of a third submissive alter among 'Us'...

Apparently her name is Angel...

Lil Jade was badly abused and may never interact with those in the outside world again... She watches from the inside... I can feel her... and she is often 'close to the surface'... occasionally, she has even been caught, having been 'triggered out' mid-session... but she has remained mute and almost completely paralysed... unable to do anything but stare, like a terrified rabbit, caught in headlights; unable to move or function but also unable to escape... The last time she was 'out', 'We' were just incredibly lucky that the Master Butterfly had chosen to submit to, was gentle and kind...

Butterfly is the deepest and most beautiful core of my submission... She is strong... and serene... and deeply happy with exactly who and what she is... Angel is here to protect Butterfly until it is truly safe for her to come out... There is currently someone with whom Butterfly is safe... but shifting context has called into question whether or not He will ever call her forth again... She misses His dominance deeply... but unless there is room for her within this new context, and He calls for His 'Pet' once more, she understands and accepts that her place is in the shadows, watching, perhaps even sometimes serving... but unspoken... and unseen

Angel is soft and untouched... She is innocent... open... trusting... and niave`... In a lot of ways she is a new beginning of sorts... And she is, I suppose, a lot like one of the canaries miners used to take with them down into the mine-shafts in order to detect gas leaks... She is open and trusting where the rest of us are unable to be... But she is also so deeply innocent that her hyper-sensitivity to abuse is un-marred by my own easily warped (by my abuser) sense of self and safety... Should a dominant gain Angel's trust, Butterfly may, at some point, emerge and surrender 'Our' most submissive self... But as Angel's submission does not involve sexual acts, it will take quite the exceptional dominant to gain 'Our' trust... And exceptional is nothing short of what 'We' deserve...

I am afraid for Angel... I am afraid of Angel...

She is so innocent and fragile and untouched... I am afraid of how vulnerable she is to being very badly hurt... and how vulnerable that, in turn, leaves Me to being that badly hurt again...

It would be understandable to ask 'Why allow her to exist then? Why allow her outside, in the 'real' world? What purpose does she serve?'

The answer is simple...

First and foremost... the concept of 'choice' is a tricky one here...

On the one hand, yes it is my own mind that has created all of the alters that exist within Me... and so one could be forgiven for assuming this very fact alone, implies choice...

On the other hand, if this were a voluntary process, I can assure you, I would have put a STOP to it many, many years ago AND reversed it! Being this way is much more painful than fun... :'( And I spend every single second and every ounce of energy and strength I have fighting this and researching new techniques to conquer it once and for all...

So really... choice and 'allowing' really do not factor all that realistically in this...

As for 'What purpose does she serve?'... Well...

If this part of Me ceases to exist... my hope... my softness... my vulnerability... the last of anything worth fighting for that exists inside of me... also... ceases to exist... My abusers will have effectively succeeded in destroying Me... and then there truly will be no point... and nothing left for Me... but death

I have a feeling that Angel has been a part of many of My new alters at their very inception... and that as they have become no longer safe to reside within, she has vacated them and sought out yet another brand new alter within which to protect and nurture 'Our' hope... in the hope of, this time finding a life free of abuse and the inescapable feelings of despair and hopelessness and of being un-washably unclean :'(

She is unlike any other alter I have... I think that perhaps she is my... soul?