Nothing...

How is it so easy, to, even without trying, make others (both men and women), fall desperately and completely in love with me...

And yet, so impossible to truly and completely, fall in love, myself?

I feel so alone... again... right now :'(

I feel as though there is no-one in all of the world who is like Me... As though there is no-one I couldnt make feel something for me... willing or not

I feel powerless... I feel trapped by my life and by others' desire for me... I feel I do not exist as a person in my own right with rights... I feel as though even the air is touching me against my will...

I am afraid... of everything

I dont feel okay... I dont understand... And I dont have even the first inklings of an idea of what to do right now...

I feel so lost... And so not a real person at all... I want to cry... but I dont feel as though I have the right to because I dont feel I really exist...

I am nothing...

I exist to service others and nothing else...

And I truly believe, right now, that once again, the universe is attempting to right an imbalance...

I died when I was only 18 months old...

This is why I do not truly exist as a real person... And this is why the universe keeps trying to end Me... I should have stayed dead... I didnt... And so now I live a living death...

Not dead... Not alive... Not anything...

Just waiting and fighting a fight I dont even want to win, for no other reason than the body I exist within's instinct to survive; an instinct I have not yet learned to conquer...

Why wont the world just let me go....................