Another piece completed...

This is a piece I began writing almost 10 years ago now and only finally sat down and finished today...

I am not yet completely sure I am 100% happy with this piece, so this may still only serve as a near-final draft... I don't know

Its timing has not been accidental... For a while now, I have been noticing the warning signs... And so, for the time being at least, I am doing all I can to stay well away from any situations in which I might find myself particularly vulnerable in this way...

I have no intention of allowing history to repeat itself... yet again

(As yet untitled)

He watches me as I perform for him
Like a little girl playing 'dress up'
In front of a full-length mirror…
Beguiled by the contradictions he sees before him;
The child...
The virginal girl on the cusp of womanhood...
The fully grown woman's body they exist within...
I seduce him with innocence
And he is mesmerised...
He tries… but he can't tear his eyes away
Holding his breath, unable to move
He stands there... Just out of sight
He thinks I can't see him…
But I know he is there
I know he is watching
I take out a brush and run it through my hair
Long... even... perfect strokes
And he waits...
I undo the zip on the back of my dress
It falls to the floor... and I am naked
Still he watches... And he waits
Running my hands down over my naked flesh
I enjoy the warm, soft and creamy texture
As he watches
Taking another dress from its hanger
I slip it over my head
I shiver as the cool satin glides down over my skin
Silently, he steps out of the shadows and appears behind me
I smile...
His arms are around me now… And I lean back against him
He gently moves my hair aside and kisses my neck,
Watching my reactions closely as our reflections dance slowly before us in the mirror
I moan softly and close my eyes
This game... so erotic
His touch... electric
Arching my head back, I kiss him
Full on the mouth... intense... passionate
I watch... as he touches me… softly… gently… slowly
He watches us too
I sigh... as my eyes flutter closed
And the final scene in this perfect movie fades to black..
Then suddenly his hands are everywhere
Terrified, my eyes fly open… meeting his for just one moment

My whole body stiffens in his embrace..

Frenzied now, his kisses cover me all over
His excitement… spiralling higher and higher… out of control
He spins me around, roughly tearing my dress from my shoulders
Then sweeping me up in his arms, he tosses me on the bed
There is no more game in the mirror now
It's just us... It is real
Panic rises in my stomach... and I want to vomit
As the role I was playing; whoever I truly was just now, quickly dissolves
Inside I am screaming
I'm not ready for this;
For the adult world
I am just a girl
I was just playing
I didn't understand it would lead to this!
I'm NOT ready!
PLEASE! STOP!
No! No! No! No! NO!
But it is too late
My words… My screams… My tears
Never make it to the outside world
And as my mind frantically tries to run from this reality
A single tear escapes…
One last hope for deliverance
But he either does not see… or does not care
He abandons himself to his own desire; his own passion
Trapped now… I look down and watch as my own body betrays me;
Mimicking perfectly, all of the right moves
I hear a voice that sounds like mine, but cannot possibly be…
Moaning in ecstasy
The perfect lover
Just like Daddy taught me
I cannot take anymore...
The room goes black
I am blind...
And I am gone
Hours later I 'awake' to find myself naked
My bed... now, a mess of tangled sheets…
My limbs entwined with his; this stranger that I allowed into my home
I go to scream… but swallow it just in time
I dare not wake him...
As the realisation hits me
It has happened again…
And once more, I do not know who to blame
My mind is spinning...
I know he saw my panic
I know that on some level he knew
And that just like the others... He simply did not care
And then there was my part in all of this
My traitorous body…
All at once paralysed… and obliging
Protecting him from the gravity of his own decision
Sacrificing me… so that he might be spared the terror and the pain he, himself, created in me
Being a good little girl
Making Daddy proud
And dying inside just a little more… at my very own hand in the process